The Sensuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is directory a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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